The Sudden Breeze

Aqueous Fluoreau

2011-12-08T16:48:00.000+07:00

Photography by Mark Mawson of underwater neon ink...stunning! Check out the entire collection at Behance

Letter to Rachel's Parents

2011-12-08T16:31:00.002+07:00

A beautiful letter written by Ram Dass to comfort the parents of Rachel, a teenager who was raped and murdered. This letter helped them overcome their anguish and rage over the tragedy.

Dear Steve and Anita,

Rachel finished her work on earth, and left the stage in a manner that leaves those of us left behind with a cry of agony in our hearts, as the fragile thread of our faith is dealt with so violently. Is anyone strong enough to stay conscious through such teaching as you are receiving? Probably very few. And even they would only have a whisper of equanimity and peace amidst the screaming trumpets of their rage, grief, horror and desolation.

I can't assuage your pain with any words, nor should I. For your pain is Rachel's legacy to you. Not that she or I would inflict such pain by choice, but there it is. And it must burn its purifying way to completion. For something in you dies when you bear the unbearable, and it is only in that dark night of the soul that you are prepared to see as God sees, and to love as God loves.

Now is the time to let your grief find expression. No false strength. Now is the time to sit quietly and speak to Rachel, and thank her for being with you these few years, and encourage her to go on with whatever her work is, knowing that you will grow in compassion and wisdom from this experience.

In my heart, I know that you and she will meet again and again, and recognize the many ways in which you have known each other. And when you meet you will know, in a flash, what now it is not given to you to know: Why this had to be the way it was.

Our rational minds can never understand what has happened, but our hearts– if we can keep them open to God – will find their own intuitive way. Rachel came through you to do her work on earth, which includes her manner of death. Now her soul is free, and the love that you can share with her is invulnerable to the winds of changing time and space. In that deep love, include me.

In love,
Ram Dass

source: www.ramdasstapes.org

A Proud Introvert

2011-11-29T13:18:00.002+07:00

Growing up, I've had the notion that being an introvert was a disadvantage. My kindergarden teacher decided to keep me for another year because I wasn't speaking or socializing with any of the other kids. Yes, I flunked kindergarden! Since then I tried to force myself to socialize more and be more outgoing although on most events I end up shutting down. Socializing has always been a daunting and overwhelming task unless it's with a few very close friends who I have strong connections with. But now that I look back, it just takes a longer time for me to adjust to new situations and to cozy up with new friends, even now.

Recently, being able to accept myself as I am with every little quirks, has actually made me more relaxed in social situations, not putting myself in so much pressure to fit in. Today I came across this article on twitter that should make all introverts out there proud :) (although for Myth #9, I am actually an adrenaline junkie...so not sure where that puts me...I guess enough with labels! LoL)

Here's the full post from Carl King, the author of "So, You're a Creative Genius... Now What?": http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts

10 Myths About Introverts

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

Upgrade Your Life

2011-08-03T11:21:00.002+07:00

Tomorrow morning, before you get out of bed, rearrange your mind to love the day. No matter what the day brings, accept everything without judgment. Instead choose to see the beauty and perfection of it all. Know that all challenges are an opportunity for you to progress. And the universe never gives you more than you can handle.

- Kelly Howell

To love in a way that feels right for me

2011-07-10T23:46:00.002+07:00

I watched again for the millionth time one of my favorite movie, Secretary (2002) with James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal. What I love about this movie is how individuals even with their odd, bizarre mentality can find their own kind of perfect relationship. "To love in a way that feels right for me" :)

My most favorite scene is (watch out spoiler!) when Mr. Grey finally comes to Lee and carries her out of the office, through the hallway and up the stairs with the song "Chariots Rise" by Lizzie West playing in the background.. yup I'm pretty sappy for romance LOL.

Here is my favorite quote from the movie:

"In one way or another I've always suffered. I didn't know why exactly. But I do know that I'm not so scared of suffering now. I feel more than I've ever felt and I've found someone to feel with. To play with. To love in a way that feels right for me. I hope he knows that I can see that he suffers too. And that I want to love him. Each cut, each scar, each burn, a different mood or time. I told him what the first one was, told him where the second one came from. I remembered them all. And for the first time in my life I felt beautiful. Finally part of the earth. I touched the soil and he loved me back." ~ Lee

Inspiration of the day: The Saints of Somalia, Dr Hawa Abdi and Her Daughters

2011-07-04T16:18:00.003+07:00

I came across this inspirational video from TED.com about Dr Hawa Abdi, a mother and her two daughters who are doctors in Somalia. They built a camp which now has 90,000 people, with 75 percent of them women and children. With only 5 doctors and 16 nurses they meet about 300 patients a day, perform 10-20 surgeries, and still has the strength to manage the camp and a school of 850 children.

There are only 2 rules to enter the camp:
First rule: there is no clan distinguished and political division in Somali society, anyone who makes it will be thrown out
Second: no man can beat his wife, or he will be put to jail and never released.

One of the quotes I loved:
"...thing that I have realized, that the woman is the most strong person all over the world. Because the last 20 years, the Somali woman has stood up. They were the leaders, and we are the leaders of our community and the hope of our future generations. We are not just the helpless and the victims of the civil war. We can reconcile. We can do everything."

I also love the mother daughter dynamics that they share. When the daughter, Dr. Deqo Mohamed was asked how it's like to be working with her mother she answered:

"She's very tough, it's most challenging. She always expects us to do more. And really when you think you cannot do it, she will push you, and I can do it. That's the best part. She trains us how to do and how to be better people"

They are such a courageous and strong-willed women, and with all that they go through in their daily lives, you can see they still hold such high spirits and a positive attitude with their big smiles and lively demeanor. Seeing this video also makes me feel even more connected to my own mother and the loving person that she is. A thought for today...when you're feeling down, sometimes it helps to remember that there's a bigger world out there and so many people that needs help...it can be overwhelming to think about who to help though... so lets start with the person right next to you. I'll start with giving my mother a hug :)

Some facts about Somalia:

Population: 8,592,000
Capital: Mogadishu; 1,175,000
Language: Somali, Arabic, Italian, English
Religion: Sunni Muslim
Life Expectancy: 46
Literacy Percent: 38
Industry: A few light industries, including sugar refining, textiles, petroleum refining (mostly shut down)
Agriculture: Bananas, sorghum, corn, coconuts; cattle; fish
Exports: Livestock, bananas, hides, fish, charcoal

"The Somalis are one of the most homogeneous peoples in Africa, but unity is thwarted by clan-based rivalries. Civil war ended a 21-year dictatorship in 1991, and Somalia has been without a national government since that time. UN efforts from 1992 to 1995 to stop clan fighting failed, and UN and U.S. forces left after suffering high casualties. In southern Somalia the absence of a government means declining health and increasing poverty." — Text From National Geographic Atlas of the World, Eighth Edition

Some links and articles:
Dr. Hawa Abdi Foundation | Keeping hope alive
Somalia: A nation of “NGOs”
by Drinking tea in Mogadhishu: The life of one Somali-American woman
Somalia NGO Consortium
Glamour's Women of the Year 2010
Dr. Hawa Abdi & Her Daughters: The Saints of Somalia

Another dream... Woosah!

2011-06-20T09:02:00.007+07:00

I was quite surprised that I had dreamed about this girl I had a confrontation with again last night. In the dream I bumped into her in a fashion event and I gave her a big hug and a kiss on her left cheek. She was quite surprised and dumbfounded by my action and just stood there. I had looked in dreammoods.com, to dream that you are hugging someone symbolizes your loving and caring nature. To dream of kissing someone on the cheek signifies courtesy, reverence, friendship. To dream of kissing an enemy (if that's the case) signifies betrayal, hostility, or reconciliation with an angry friend.

I thought I had put this behind me but it turned out subconsciously I was still having strong emotions to still have dreams about it. It's been almost 2 months since the confrontation happened. In my mind I've accepted and understood that she did these things because of her huge insecurities towards her own relationship, I don't blame her and had actually felt sympathy for her, for I too had my own share of insecurities that I needed to deal with throughout my life... and still do. Eventhough I understood, it seems deep down I still had some anger of how things turned out, replaying the event in my head wishing I had fought back instead of just letting her do most of the talking, and probably regretting that one white lie (if such things exist) to protect another friend.

But when I think about it again, I should be relieved of how I responded. Not saying anything harsh as much as I wanted to, because if I didn't like her ways, why would I sink so low to do the exact same thing. It would feel instantly gratifying at that moment, but knowing me I would regret it even more in the end. I am grateful that I was able to respond with understanding, and I hope it was the best way for me to deal with it. I also tried to place myself in her shoes and asked... would have I done what she did? I had tried to think yes but the truth is I don't think I would...

So this morning after I woke up and did my morning prayer, I did a ritual that I read somewhere. I wrote on pieces of paper; her name, the events that happened, and I actually added more things of past events and people's names while I was at it, and lit a match and watched them burn. It felt soothing, much like a needed ceremony. Taking out all these little pebbles from my shoe.... Woosah!

Here's some helpful ways from tinybuddha.com to let go of anger and bitterness

• Feel it fully. If you stifle your feelings, they may leak out and affect everyone around you—not just the person who inspired your anger. Before you can let go of any emotion you have to feel it fully.

• Give yourself a rant window. Let yourself vent for a day before confronting the person who troubled you. This will diffuse the hostility and give you time to plan a rational confrontation.

• Remind yourself that anger hurts you more than the person who upset you, and visualize it melting away as an act of kindness to yourself.

• Use Psychologist Steven Stosny’s HEALS technique to prevent impulsive action, which will only prolong the negative feelings.

• Take responsibility. Many times when you’re angry, you focus on what someone else did that was wrong—which essentially gives away your power. When you focus on what you could have done better, you often feel empowered and less bitter.

• Put yourself in the offender’s shoes. We all make mistakes; and odds are you could have easily slipped up just like your husband, father, or friend did. Compassion dissolves anger.

• Metaphorically throw it away; i.e., jog on the beach with a backpack full of tennis balls. After you’ve built up a bit of rush, toss the balls one by one, labeling each as a part of your anger. (You’ll need to retrieve these—litter angers the earth!)

• Use a stress ball, and express your anger physically and vocally when you use it.Make a scrunched up face or grunt. You may feel silly, but this allows you to actually express what you’re feeling inside.

• Wear a rubber band on your wrist, and gently flick it when you start obsessing on angry thoughts. This trains your mind to associate that type of persistent negativity with something unpleasant.

• Remind yourself these are your only three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it. These acts create happiness; holding onto bitterness never does.

The Power of Receiving

2011-06-17T16:45:00.003+07:00

Since I was young I had this constant need to learn about spirituality or anything that can empower the mind, body and soul. From religious teachings, self-improvement books, reading the new earth to practicing the law of attraction, it seemed that I couldn't just constrain myself to one method of belief. I realized it's not actually an answer that I seek, it's the discovery of looking into life questions itself that I enjoyed.

After having a little fall-out the past months, I laid in bed and I questioned myself... what was I missing in this process? I am trying out this law of attraction... made the perfect vision board, and attracting the romance, the finances, the new friends, but I couldn't seem to hold on to it long enough. It just passes me by... like a butterfly having a beautiful dance near you... giving you that moment of bliss, and in an instant it flutters off never to be seen again. In my mind there will be more butterflies that comes and goes. Was I wrong to just enjoy the moment and not actually do the work to keep it together? But when the moment quickly runs out, it ends up burning me down to the ground. Maybe I do need to commit to a method and test it out till completion. It seemed like I get pumped up and inspired in the beginning but then distraction comes. Whether its learning a new sport, trying a new hobby, or having a creative idea...it ends up stored away in the closet like my other unfinished knitting projects... lost, deserted and picking up dust.

So a few weeks ago i was at periplus bookstore with a friend of mine and came across the book "The power of receiving" by Amanda Owen. What drew me to it was Christiane Northrup's review on the front cover. I had seen her on Oprah and was just mesmerized by her soul which just oozes out in her glowing beauty. If she believed in the book, that means it's definitely something I should look into. So I bought it and it rested unopened on the bedside table for a few weeks until I finally managed to complete it a few days ago.

Let me tell you this, the book gave me a lot of aha moments. One of it was:

"Just because you know how to attract something, doesn't mean you know how to receive it. Receiving something as simple as a compliment is difficult for many people."

This hit me immediately, I do have a problem with receiving. Giving always felt good, but when someone else gave me something, offered help, give compliments, opened a door or just suddenly stroked my hair to show affection...I felt uncomfortable and went into an immediate defensive mode, over-analyzing, questioning, when in fact I needed to relax, open-up, accept and simply receive. But how do I break away from this belief that only giving is good and receiving is me being selfish.

"Receiving not only creates balanced lives & relationships but it also has the power to lead us to our hopes, goals and dreams"

Here's a bit of the exercise that the book teaches to practice receiving:

Accept anything that's given to you gratefully and graciously whether its compliments, gifts, or smiles. When you are comfortable receiving small things you will gradually feel comfortable receiving bigger things.
Count your blessings, write a daily gratitude journal with a minimum of 5 things
Do a complain fast since suffering is about the past rather than the present. No Suffering Allowed! No Suffering Aloud!
Be self-revealing to others, show every part of your personality not just the collected and in control bit, be real. Remember though that complaining is different from revealing your feelings. Revealing your feelings is good. Complaining is about you being victimized.
Acknowledge the certain parts we hide about our selves, usually things we dont like in others are a reflection of our own inner personality that we try so hard not to show.
Breathing exercises to keep you in the present and breathing exercises to realize your self-judgements (negative & positive) and accepting them as a part of you.
Spend time each day in awareness of your five senses which will strengthen your receive muscles being receptive to everything around you.
Writing your goal properly and being specific with it. Writing it as one of your daily gratitude.

This book has so much more great points and practices that is eye-opening. That it's ok to want certain things and to tell others what we want. If we don't how will anyone else know, he or she might be the person who was meant to give it to you...and if not, at least you've made it known that this is my goal and with that... it will open a path for the goal to come. Let's see if I can commit to this...gambaru! Lets start day 1 :)

"Life is happening in every breath. Wake up and notice it"

2011-06-14T22:20:00.000+07:00

"Mindfulness is basically this: Open your eyeballs to life. Clear your eardrums of interference. Give every single joy and annoyance in your day—be it a scrumptious Belgian waffle sliding down your esophagus or spam spilling over the sides of your e-mail in-box—your maximum attention. Stay out of the bike lanes marked "yesterday" and "tomorrow" and pop your wheelies in the present. Then hang this sign on the front porch of your brain: "No blaming, judging, and belittling allowed here." Life is happening in every breath. Wake up and notice it." - Michelle Burford

Full article "The Happiness Experiment" here: oprah.com

The Optimism Bias

2011-06-10T13:39:00.001+07:00

...It is tempting to speculate that optimism was selected by evolution precisely because, on balance, positive expectations enhance the odds of survival. Research findings that optimists live longer and are healthier, plus the fact that most humans display optimistic biases — and emerging data that optimism is linked to specific genes — all strongly support this hypothesis. Yet optimism is also irrational and can lead to unwanted outcomes. The question then is, How can we remain hopeful — benefiting from the fruits of optimism — while at the same time guarding ourselves from its pitfalls?

I believe knowledge is key. We are not born with an innate understanding of our biases. The brain's illusions have to be identified by careful scientific observation and controlled experiments and then communicated to the rest of us. Once we are made aware of our optimistic illusions, we can act to protect ourselves. The good news is that awareness rarely shatters the illusion. The glass remains half full. It is possible, then, to strike a balance, to believe we will stay healthy, but get medical insurance anyway; to be certain the sun will shine, but grab an umbrella on our way out — just in case.

- TALI SHAROT

Full article on time.com ...

Annie's Tomorrow

2011-06-10T10:40:00.001+07:00

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar
That tomorrow
There'll be sun!

Just thinkin' about
Tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs,
And the sorrow
'Til there's none!

When I'm stuck a day
That's gray,
And lonely,
I just stick out my chin
And Grin,
And Say,
Oh!

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
'Til tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
I love ya Tomorrow!
You're always a day away!

Who do you think you are?

2011-06-08T01:02:00.001+07:00

Dear, it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises

And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

Who do you think you are?

"Jar of Hearts" - Christina Perri

Adele: Rolling In The Deep

2011-06-02T01:16:00.000+07:00

Finally, I can see you crystal clear,
Go ahead and sell me out and a I'll lay your shit bare,
See how I'll leave with every piece of you,
Don't underestimate the things that I will do,

There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bring me out the dark,

Baby, I have no story to be told,
But I've heard one on you and I'm gonna make your head burn,
Think of me in the depths of your despair,
Make a home down there as mine sure won't be shared,

The scars of your love remind me of us,
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all,
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless,
I can't help feeling,

Could have had it all,
Rolling in the deep,
You had my heart inside of your hands,
But you played it with a beat.

Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability | Video on TED.com

2011-05-10T15:32:00.003+07:00

Brene Brown: This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee -- and that's really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult -- to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?" just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, "I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive." And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough. Because when we work from a place I believe that says, "I'm enough," then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.

I am enough

2011-05-10T12:17:00.003+07:00

Every woman deserves someone that protects her to the finish...to see her completely as I feel this song conveys. From my experience this past weeks I realized what I want, what I don't want, what I deserve, and that yes...I am enough and perfect in my own way :)

Hey Soul Sister
- Train

Your lipstick stains on the front lobe of my left side brains
I knew I wouldn't forget you
And so I went and let you blow my mind
Your sweet moonbeam
The smell of you in every single dream I dream
I knew when we collided you're the one I have decided
Who's one of my kind

Just in time, I'm so glad you have a one track mind like me
You gave my life direction
A game show love connection, we can't deny
I'm so obsessed
My heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest
I believe in you, like a virgin, you're Madonna
And I'm always gonna wanna blow your mind

The way you can cut a rug
Watching you is the only drug I need
So gangster, I'm so thug
You're the only one I'm dreaming of
You see I can be myself now finally
In fact there's nothing I can't be
I want the world to see you'll be with me

Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair you know
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight

Cosmic Love

2011-04-26T19:58:00.000+07:00

Feeling love in it's highest and lowest possible form....all I can do now is release it to the universe and let God take care of the rest. Feeling attached to this song right now.

Cosmic Love
- Florence And The Machine

A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes
I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat
I tried to find the sound
But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness,
So darkness I became

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map
And knew that somehow I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
So I stayed in the darkness with you

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

What is heaven and what is hell?

2011-01-21T16:13:00.000+07:00

an excerpt from "Love for No Reason" by Marci Shimoff
In medieval Japan, the fierce samurai warriors were revered as kings. They carried large swords and were highly skilled at using them.

One day, a famous samurai set out to find an aged monk who was known to be very wise. When he arrived at the monastery, he flung open the door and demanded of the old man, “Tell me, you are learned in these matters. What is heaven and what is hell?”

The monk sat still for a moment on the tatami-matted floor. Then he turned and looked up at the warrior. “You call yourself a samurai warrior,” he said. “Why, look at you. You’re nothing but a mere sliver of a man! I doubt you could cut off the head of a fly with your sword.”

For a moment, the samurai stood gaping. No one talked to a samurai like that! Then, as if someone had waved a red cloth in front of a bull, the samurai’s face contorted in rage. He bellowed, “How dare you! I won’t let you get away with such an insult.” Pulling his huge sword from its sheath, he raised it high above his head, ready to kill the old monk.

Unperturbed, the monk looked directly into the eyes of the furious warrior and said, “You asked what hell is? This is hell.”

The samurai froze, his sword still raised, as the hatred and anger that had consumed him drained away. He looked at the old monk in amazement, realizing that this small, stooped man had risked his life to answer his question.

Lowering his weapon, the samurai bowed to the monk, as tears of gratitude appeared in his eyes. “Thank you for your teaching,” the samurai said humbly, his heart filled with love for the monk’s gift.

The monk smiled at the samurai and said, “And this, my friend, is heaven.”

I see you

2010-11-29T22:34:00.001+07:00

When you step back to look at things from a distance... You see the truth. These beings that I have been blessed to call friends and family are truly magnificent forces of nature. Talented, intelligent, beautiful, emotional, wise, fearless, adventurous, and all in their own way. Love everything about them. Sending my love and prayers to everyone.

The European Film Festival Day 2

2010-11-07T23:55:00.002+07:00

Sometimes you don't need to spend a lot of money to have a great time when you go out. Today was one of those days. I went to the European film festival again and this time watched 2 movies which were both free of course :)

The Secret of Kells, is an enchanting film that was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Animated Feature this year. It tells a story of an abbey in Ireland and an adventurous boy named Brendan during the medieval times. The traditional illustrated execution, was magical and visually inspiring to me. It felt that every frame would look stunning, mounted on a wall to be adored by illustrator enthusiasts. It is said that the Celtic-Irish handpainted treatment of the illustrations were inspired by the Book of Kells itself. I definitely recommend this movie and hope that I can purchase the dvd just to see all the details again. secretofkells

The second is a 2004 film, called Nyfes or The Brides directed by Pantelis Voulgaris. What first drew me to watch this was it's executive producer, none other than Martin Scorsese. Set in 1922, it tells the journey of a greek woman bound to a new husband in America with the other 700 mail order brides from different countries sharing the same fate. During her journey aboard the SS King Alexander, she falls in love with an American photographer who is on his way home.

For this type of drama romance, I thought the dialogue fell a little short and at times felt corny. I admit I do love cheesy and simple dialogues but I prefer them in chick-flicks. In this film it didn't seem appropriate with the gravity of the premise, a tragic love story of mail-order brides. The story also had a few holes that made me a bit lost. I do think though it has potential to be something great if they added more depth into the characters and storyline, possibly similar to some of my favorite films of this genre like The Age of Innocence, The English Patient, and Legends of the Falls. Overall I thought Nyfes was a nice movie, had a wonderful cast, visually beautiful, and has potential.

The European Film Festival

2010-11-06T23:55:00.003+07:00

Svetat e golyam i spasenie debne otvsyakade
The World Is Big and Salvation Lurks around the Corner

The European Film Festival in Jakarta has begun and I started today with the Bulgarian film, The World Is Big and Salvation Lurks around the Corner directed by Stephan Komandarev. Adapted from a book by Ilija Trojanow, the film is about a young man who loses his memory after a car accident and his grandfather who tries to cure him. His grandfather takes him on a wonderful journey riding a tandem bike and gradually he starts remembering who he is, his family, his childhood of escaping from Bulgaria and their struggles in seeking asylum. I thought the story was light hearted, simple and humorous with an emotional historic aspect that tied it all together.

Although I didn't understand a word without reading the subtitles, the acting felt effortless with their mix of emotions, expressions and vocal tones. It always amazes me when the characters feel so real you start having an imaginary relationship towards them. In this film I started wishing that one day I can meet the grandfather to learn a thing or two. His philosophies in life spoken through the game of backgammon was quite uplifting.

- Dice is just chance
- Chance?
- Yes
- Where is that chance?
- You've got the dice in your hand, don't you? What flick and spin you give them what angle...
...
- Look around there's always an opening.
- Whatever I throw is useless
- If the situation looks hopeless, just change your tactics
- How?
- You take a risk, make your move and hope for the best.

I am no movie expert but I enjoyed how the camera work was simple and not overdone, yet was still able to capture the gorgeous scenes throughout their travels. The movie immediately gave me a thirst to go backpacking around Europe without even packing...probably not on a bike the entire way though :)

"Destiny is the dice in your hand. And what happens after that depends on your luck and skill." It's your throw, master!

The Flood

2010-11-06T23:26:00.000+07:00

I remember only glimpses of the dream, it was raining hard and water was starting to build up on the grounds. I was standing in a front lawn of a one story house with no fences, similar to my old house in virginia but the driveway was on the right side instead of the left. Then suddenly it was flooding up to my chest, and I was standing inside a yellow school bus that had no roof. I was inside the school bus with another woman and water was starting to seep through. It got higher and higher until it was up to my waist, and we were working so hard to get the water out when the bus started moving uncontrollably because of the flooding...and that's all I remember.

from www.dreammoods.com

School Bus
To see or ride a school bus in your dream, suggests that you are about to venture on an important life journey needed for your own personal growth.

Flood
To dream that you are in a flood, represents your need to release some desires. If the flood is raging, then it represents emotional issues and tensions. Your repressed emotions are overwhelming you. Consider where the flood is for clues as to where in your waking life is causing you stress and tension. Alternatively, the dream indicates that you are overwhelming others with your demands and strong opinion. Still another interpretation could be your desire to wipe everything clean and make a fresh new start. To see a gentle flood in your dream, indicates that your worries over a certain matter will soon be swept away.

Rain
To see and hear rain falling, symbolizes forgiveness and grace. Falling rain is also a metaphor for tears, crying and sadness. Alternatively, rain symbolizes fertility and renewal. If you get wet from the rain, then it indicates cleaning from your troubles and problems.

Daily Horoscope from DailyOm

2010-11-06T23:14:00.000+07:00

Love the daily horoscopes from DailyOm, I don't really read them to know what the day holds but about the ideas on living for the day or any other day :)

November 6, 2010
Scorpio Daily Horoscope

You may be feeling highly personable today, which could have you greeting and charming every person to cross your path. Your friendly demeanor is likely to be appealing to everyone you meet, drawing people to you for the comfort and connection they hope to experience. A simple smile or a wave is an easy way to brighten someone's day. Allowing people to step in front of you in a line, or opening the door for a stranger is a gift you can easily give. You may want to consider yourself a messenger of light, and choose to help others feel a positive connection between themselves and those around them, creating a joyful community. Today you are able to bring smiles to people's faces and light to their eyes as you share your friendly feelings without hesitation.

As we become more electronically mobile, we may find that people don't interact directly with those around them anymore. Instead, they are on the phone with someone far away, and their focus is not in the moment. Greeting people around you today helps snap them into the moment and enables a connection to take place, lifting any sense of alienation that can be felt among strangers. Instead, we become comrades in the moment, bonding momentarily through our shared experience. Today by making an effort to reach out to connect with the people around you, you make the world a more enjoyable and friendly place for everyone.

Choices in life

2010-10-29T23:42:00.000+07:00

“There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept responsibility for changing them.”

-Denis Waitley

The Dark Clouds

2010-10-06T10:49:00.001+07:00

I was dancing with the bright full moon
Swaying through the days like a pioneer

Neglecting your enduring presence

Losing site of your existence

You float there in the shadows
Gathering your deep cuts
Black holes with infinite mass of sorrow
Til it's time to say hello
During my highest of highs
You drag me to below

Dark clouds above and all around
Raining teardrops in thunderous storms
You drown me with exhaustion
This head heavy with emptiness
Lungs gasping for air

Remembering when we first met
on the cold grey tiles in 1992

~Alia Adistya

Dream: Togas and Helicopters

2010-09-28T16:25:00.000+07:00

I am in this large courtyard with cemented brick pavement, among tall historic buildings, which seems to be a university. It reminds me of a cross between Belfast City Hall and the Uffizi in Florence. We are all wearing toga's so I believe it's after a graduation ceremony. I wore a white toga with a blue collar, my sister is there wearing the same thing and my brother is wearing a blue toga. My sister walks with my mother into one of the shops in the buildings, my brother disappears into the crowd and I stay in the large courtyard with a crowd of people who are chatting amongst themselves.

Suddenly there are many helicopters above us and we all become alert and look up. One by one, the helicopters starts to blow up and the broken parts falls to the ground. The crowd is in a frenzy and begin screaming and running around for their lives. I run into one of the buildings in front of me. When I am inside I look up to discover there is no roof and one of the helicopter falls directly in front of me. I instantly run out bumping into the mob of people who are going crazy running around as well, and I am back at the courtyard. I decide to find my mom and asha at the store and warn them. Then we walk through a small alleyway and leave safely out of the university. But I look at my left arm and see tiny dots of black scabs covering my skin and I start picking on it then puss starts to seep out then I wake up

Dreammoods:

Toga
To see or wear a toga in your dream, signifies serenity, peace, love and fate.

Graduation
To dream that you are at a graduation, represents your achievements. You are successfully transitioning to a higher level. And you are ready to move forward with your accomplishments and perform more important things.

College
To dream that you are in college, indicates that you are going through some social or cultural changes. You want to expand your knowledge and awareness. It also suggests that now is a good time for you to experiment and try new things. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you will achieve your goals through perseverance and hard work.

Helicopter

To see a helicopter in your dream, represents your ambitions and achievements. You are in full pursuit of your goals. Alternatively, you may be experiencing a higher level of consciousness, new-found freedom and greater awareness.

Airplane Crash
To dream that a plane crashes, signifies that you have set overly high and unrealistic goals for yourself. You are in danger of having those goals come crashing down. Alternatively, the crashing airplane represents your lack of confidence, self-defeating attitude and self-doubt. You do not believe in your own ability to achieve those goals. Loss of power and uncertainty in achieving your goals are also signified.

Scab
To see a scab in your dream, symbolizes a time of healing. If you are picking at the scab, the it suggests that you are interfering in the healing process. You need to let things be and let things take their natural course.

Dream: The Red Scooter the Forest and the Dove

2010-09-20T16:56:00.022+07:00

I am standing on a field of grass with my friends E and O. The sun is shining bright and behind us there are a few food stalls and a rocky field for parking. This place reminds me of the parking area for padang padang beach in bali. I think this is where we are... Bali. I walk towards the parking area, hop on a red scooter and drive it down the road.

The path that I drive through actually goes into the woods with extremely tall trees that covers the sky except for a few little glimpses of sunlight that flickers through the gaps of the leaves. I am driving the scooter very slowly since this is my first time driving it and I don't have the right balance. Suddenly the scooter transforms into a red bicycle which I start to pedal and my confidence begin to rise. I think to myself, I should feel the way I ride the bicycle when I am riding the scooter. So then I turn back and the bicycle morphs back into a scooter and I am able to ride faster, with much more confidence. Then begins a long journey of me riding the scooter in different positions like a stuntman LOL

When I return to the parking area, my friends E and O are waiting for me. They are angry that I rode on my scooter all alone, and didn't wait for them to accompany me. But after I apologized everything was fine :) and they introduced me to a friend of theirs (forgot his name) and we wanted to look for a place to stay for him and his friend. However we stayed at the field for a few moments and my focus shifts... I realize there is a competition going on. The competitors are all holding a very high tech crossbow and a bottle of ice tea which seems to be the sponsor. My friend E points to one of the man and says that's the owner of ice tea company. Suddenly, a pack of white pigeons came flying towards us from above (visualize the birds). I woke up in my bed with my heart racing, but I realize there's something under my covers on top of me and when I open the cover it's a white dove, then I wake up again for real!!!

I think inception has gotten to me with that levels of dreaming LOL

from dreammoods.com

Scooter
To see or ride a scooter in your dream, suggests that you are enjoying your position of power.

Bicycle
To dream that you are riding a bicycle, signifies your desires to attain a balance in your life. You need to balance work and pleasure in order to succeed in your current undertakings. If you have difficulties riding the bicycle, then it suggests that you are experiencing anxieties about making it on your own.

Pigeon
To see a pigeon in your dream, suggests that you are taking the blame for the actions of others. Pigeons also represent gossip or news. Perhaps they carry a message from your unconscious. Alternatively, the dream may be expressing a desire to return home.

Doves
To see a dove in your dream, symbolizes peace, tranquility, harmony, affection and innocence. In particular, to see a white dove in your dream, represents loyalty, love, simplicity, gentleness and friendships. It may also signify a message and blessing from the Holy Spirit. You have let go of your thoughts of hate and revenge.

Forest
To dream that you are in or walking through the forest, signifies a transitional phase. Follow your instincts. Alternatively, it indicates that you want to escape to a simpler way of life. You are feeling weighed down by the demands of your life.

Woods
To see the woods in your dream, represent life, fertility, rejuvenation, and spring. Alternatively, the woods symbolize the unknown and the unconscious. You need to open yourself up to discovering your potential and your instinctual nature.

To dream that you are walking through the woods, signify your return to an aspect of yourself that is innocent and spiritual. If you are walking out of the woods, then the dream may be a literal depiction of being "out of the woods" or being in the clear of some

It is life who asks: What is your meaning?

2010-09-17T01:38:00.000+07:00

"Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible."

–V. Frank

The Goal Is One

2010-09-14T22:47:00.000+07:00

There are a myriad different ways to search, but the object of the search is always the same. Don’t you see that the roads to Mecca are all different? One comes from Byzantium, another from Syria, still others wind through land or across the sea. The roads are different; the goal is one.

When people reach the goal, all quarrels or disputes that flared along the road are resolved. Those who yelled at each other along the road, "You are wrong!" or "You are a blasphemer!" forget all possible differences when they reach the goal. There all hearts sing in unison.

- Jalal-ud-Din Rumi

Remembering

2010-09-11T09:11:00.002+07:00

As I remember 9 years ago today, I can still see and feel the sights and emotions as it was just yesterday. I pray for all the innocent lives lost and that peace, tolerance and compassion will continue to fill our minds and hearts.

As I remember 9 years ago today, I was just in between stops from my station that morning when our subway was stopped...we were stuck for about half an hour down there not knowing what was going on until they announced at the intercom that there had been a small plane crash at the twin towers. In my mind I imagined a small 2 passenger plane that must have gotten lost.

The subway moved again and they instructed everyone to get out of the subway at my stop... and when I finally walked the steps out of the station to the streets of nyc... the whole experience and the next few weeks felt like a lucid dream...so vividly and overwhelmingly real but unbelievably horrific at the same time.

Colossal events and life-changing experiences moves people to re-evaluate their lives and see what is truly important. However, time and routine can make us forget that moment of inner purpose.

As I remember 9 years ago today, a clear vision returns and I am there once again.

An article from Daily Om I read today:

Life is an Illusion

Playing Your Part
This world we perceive as real is actually an illusion, not unlike a film being projected.

...Having the wisdom to know that life is but a dream does not mean that we ignore it or don't do our best with the twists and turns of our fate. Rather, like an actress who plays her role fully even as she knows it's only a role, we engage in the unfolding drama, but with a little more freedom because we know that this is not the totality of who we are.

And life is more of an improvisation than it is like a play whose lines have already been written, whose end is already known. Like an improviser, we have choices to make and the more we embrace the illusionary quality of the performance, the lighter we can be on the planet, on others, and on ourselves. We can truly play with the shadows cast by the light of the projector, fully engaging without getting bogged down.

Eid Mubarak

2010-09-10T09:10:00.001+07:00

To those who celebrate... may you enjoy a blessed festival this Eid ul-Fitr 1431H

Dream: Arm Guy

2010-09-07T11:59:00.004+07:00

Had a graphic dream last night. I was standing with a group of handsome men in sharp black suits (possibly prada) at a high floor of an office building. The walls were all made of glass, so we were able to see from one room to another with all the office furniture. I didn't recognize any of the men except for one, Mads Mikkelsen, the actor in Casino Royale who played the villain with the bloody eye. He first caught my eye in 2004 when he played the character Tristram in the movie King Arthur. He was normal in my dream though, other than the fact that he's psychotic. There was no dialogue just some telepathic understanding of everything that was going on with face expressions and signals.

007 guy was next to a faceless 'Arm' guy (you'll find out in a few moment why I named him that) who seemed to have made the grim mistake of getting caught in a lie. He was frightened and was begging to make amends. 007 guy had only an emotionless expression, where he seemed to know everything that was about to happen and that knowledge gave him peace...in a psychotic kind of way of course. 007 guy directed Arm guy to enter his office. There was a very large old fashioned mahogany desk and leather armchair across us, and on the right a tall narrow wooden tv cabinet with the tv in it, stands against the glass wall. There was some sort of railling on the carpeted floor, coming across from the tv cabinet to the other side of the room.

When we were all inside, the tv cabinet slided across the room on the railing, revealing the back, a sharp vertical long blade, tall as the cabinet. As the cabinet was sliding back to its original position in a steady pace, 007 guy calmly pushes Arm guy (everything in a slow motion with a poetic trance) and the Arm guy was able to jump across before the blade hits him, however it does succeed in catching 1/3 of his left arm. The blade slices the arm effortlessly and for a moment the piece of arm that was cut off sticks to the blade and then slowly slides off revealing blood, flesh and bone. In my mind I was debating, this doesn't look real, it seems too animated. The arm should have immediately fallen to the ground instead of sticking to the blade for that moment. Then my sister woke me up for sahur :p

From www.dreammoods.com

Actor/Actress
Consider who this actor/actress is and what characteristics you associate with him or her. These may be the same characteristics that you need to acknowledge or incorporate into yourself. The dream may also be a pun on his or her name. To see a particular actor or actress in your dream, look at the role they are playing. Even though you may not know them on a personal level, how you perceive them or the characters they play can provide understanding in how it relates to you.

hmmmm...Calm, Psychotic, In Full Control...errrr

Arm
To dream that you rip someone else's arms out, indicates that you are extremely upset with something that this person has done, but you have not been able to fully express your anger. Because you tend to keep your emotions inside, it is finding expression in your dreams in a violent way.

The man was faceless, so maybe it's just all my repressed anger I keep from situations...

Armchair
To see or sit in an armchair in your dream, indicates that you are completely secure about your status and position in your waking life. You have established yourself and deserve respect.

Blade
To see a blade in your dream, suggests that you are making some difficult and important decisions. You need to be able to make clear distinctions between your choices. It also indicates that you are walking on a thin line and need to balance aspects of your life carefully.

Glass
To see glass in your dream, symbolizes passivity or protection. You may be putting up an invisible barrier to protect yourself in a situation or relationship. To dream that you are looking through glass, represents your openness and non-defensiveness.

I think this dream was about being in control of emotions that I continually repress from others specifically anger and maybe it is now the time to be more open in expressing my feelings....maybe :)

Active Dreaming

2010-09-03T12:33:00.001+07:00

Last night I dreamed in 2 parts, both doing a physical exercise... is my body trying to give me a hint?

The first dream was of me and a good friend of mine scuba diving in this vast deep blue ocean that was endless. The odd thing was we were having a conversation, so we were actually breathing underwater and communicating as one would naturally. Our conversation though was about religion and the techniques of ascending during a dive (odd combo). I also remember there was a lot of water bubbles surrounding us and we were swimming like dolphins....nice :)

The second dream was of me jogging in New York. Everytime I dream of jogging, I'm always in New York. (The funny thing is, I've never regularly exercised the 12 years I lived there LOL) In this dream I was deciding whether to go down and take the subway to manhattan or jog across The Queensboro Bridge. I decided to jog across holding my blackberry on one hand and my G10 on the other. Is this another hint? :p

From dreammoods.com

Jogging
To dream that you are jogging, suggests that you are proceeding through life at a steady pace.

Since I was deciding on a route, I think the dream was showing me that I'm choosing a life path of the sun and the outdoors rather than the faster route but darker with less variety. Still with my blackberry and camera though :)

Swimming
To dream that you are swimming, suggests that you are exploring aspects of your unconscious mind and emotions. The dream may be a sign that you are seeking some sort of emotional support. It is a common dream image for people going through therapy. To dream that you are swimming underwater, suggests that you are completely submerged in your own feelings. You are forcing yourself to deal with your unconscious emotions.

Ocean
To see an ocean in your dream, represents the state of your emotions and feelings. It is indicative of spiritual refreshment, tranquility and renewal. Alternatively, the dream means that you are feeling empowered and unhindered. You have a positive outlook in life and are not limited by anything.

Religion
To dream of your religion, represents your faithfulness and sense of spirituality. Perhaps your dream is telling you to be more religious or that you need to be more spiritual. Alternatively, the dream may be a metaphor for some behavior or habit which you are "religious" about.

Moment #1

2010-08-27T21:01:00.002+07:00

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our thoughts that we forget to trully see the beauty that surrounds us. Things I saw while I was sitting after prayer, with no thoughts in mind. A moment of bliss.

A Relaxing Weekend

2010-08-23T20:21:00.003+07:00

Here's a rundown of my weekend without the running of course :)

On saturday I woke up at 8. I really wanted to stay in bed a little longer but Bali's sunshine is so bright I would need black shades and tape to block out the light. It's a great change from my dungeon in jakarta though. The sun definitely gives the boost of energy that I need. I decided to read some articles on my blackberry, and I ended up reading this article about invisible computing. Quite an interesting read.

After too much information for a weekend, I opened all the curtains and shutters around the house. The skies were a bit cloudy but it was still very bright. The cool morning breeze was quite refreshing. I was going to turn on some music while I folded some clothes, but decided just to have silence, observing and listening to the sounds outside. There is an elementary school a few roads down so there were shouts and laughter of children playing, birds chirping, and occasional sounds of motorbikes passing.

After all the folding, I went down to do some laundry. We have an old washing machine that needs a few tricks of its own to make it work properly. You sort of have to work your way in there.

While I waited for the machine to do it's magic, I did some sweeping at the top floor of the house. Then I went back down again to hang the clothes to dry. Some of it were my mother and sister's clothing they left behind which made me miss them even more. I was suddenly reminded about people who lost their loved ones and kept an article of their clothing which still has their scent. How precious it must be to them like a piece of treasured memory. While outside I continued my chores of watering the plants and flowers as the gamelan music begins to play from the school. The balinese dance session is in progress! If I go to my second floor window, I can actually see the children dancing :) well maybe if I use binoculars LOL

After sweeping the bottom floors, I felt a bit exhausted so I laid down and chatted with a friend in Jakarta. I fell asleep for an hour and it felt like the most refreshing nap I ever took. Finally I took a shower and did my dhuhr prayer keeping in mind the wonderful lessons i've learned from ust. Abu Sangkan on TV, about the islamic prayer not only being a meditative spiritual practice, but a physical exercise as well similar to yoga (More on this on my next post).

In the afternoon, I walked to the local supermarket 3 blocks away to look for some cheese and baguette. It turns out they didn't have any so instead I bought some tempe, tofu and other veggies to make some stir-fried tofu and vegetable and fried tempe for dinner tonight. When something doesn't go your way, let destiny take its' course :) turns out I had a perfect delicious meal for the night.

After breaking my fast, prayer and dinner. I watched American Beauty for the millionth time, and I always feel so blessed after the movie.

"I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday." Lester Burnham

Sunday was equally as relaxing. I went to carrefour and stayed there for hours just smelling at all the food. Got my baguette and cheese :) so I could finally make my cheesy mushroom pasta.

The Witch of Portobello

2010-08-12T17:16:00.001+07:00

Last night I was able to finish "The Witch of Portobello" by Brazilian writer Paulo Coelho. I've read a few of his books and his stories continually presents a magical wisdom that constantly gives me "aha" moments. This particular story gave me plentiful of mind-opening thoughts

Some words from the book:

"Let go of the idea that the path will lead you to your goal. The truth is that with each step we take, we arrive. Repeat that to yourself every morning: I’ve arrived."

"You are what you believe yourself to be. Don't be like those people who believe in "positive thinking" and tell themselves that they're loved and strong and capable. You don't need to do that because you know it already. And when you doubt it — which happens, I think, quite often at this stage of evolution — do as I suggested. Instead of trying to prove that you're better than you think, just laugh. Laugh at your worries and insecurities. View your anxieties with humor."

"In order for us to liberate the energy of our strength, our weakness must first have a chance to reveal itself."

"Groups are very important because they force us to progress. If you’re alone, all you can do is laugh at yourself, but if you’re with others, you’ll laugh and then immediately act Groups challenge us. Groups allow us to choose our affinities. Groups create a collective energy and ecstasy comes more easily because everyone infects everyone else. Groups can also destroy us, of course, but that’s part of life and the human condition – living with other people."

"Pity those who seek for shepherds, instead of longing for freedom! An encounter with the superior energy is open to anyone, but remains far from those who shift responsibility onto others."

"I explained that before the word comes the thought. And before the thought, there is the divine spark that placed it there. Everything, absolutely everything on this Earth makes sense, and even the smallest things are worthy of our consideration."

"What is a teacher? I’ll tell you: it isn’t someone who teaches something, but someone who inspires the student to give of her best in order to discover what she already knows."

"The brush with which you are making these lines is just an instrument. It has no consciousness; it follows the desires of the person holding it. And in that it is very like what we call “life”. Many people in this world are merely playing a role, unaware that there is an Invisible Hand guiding them. At this moment, in your hands, in the brush tracing each letter, lie all the intentions of your soul."

"Learn. But always learn with other people by your side. Don't be alone in the search because if you take a wrong step, you'll have no one there to help put you right."

“We do not believe that God made the universe. We believe that God is the universe and that we are contained in him, and he is in us…in my opinion, we should call ‘him’ ‘goddess’ or ‘mother’ like the woman in all of us who protects us when we are in danger. She will always be with us while we perform our daily tasks with love and joy, understanding that nothing is suffering, that everything is a way of praising Creation.”

"The Shadow is our dark side, which dictates how we should act and behave. When we try to free ourselves from the Persona, we turn on a light inside us and we see the cobwebs, the cowardice, the meanness. The Shadow is there to stop our progress, and it usually succeeds and we run back to what we were before we doubted. However, some do survive this encounter with their own cobwebs, saying “Yes, I have a few faults, but I’m good enough and I want to go forward.” At that moment, the Shadow disappears and we come into contact with the Soul. Instincts become sharper, emotions more radical, the interpretation of signs becomes more important than logic, perceptions of reality grow less rigid."

"...That's the main aim of life—revelation!"

At this moment.... I've Arrived :)

First Day of Fasting

2010-08-11T21:00:00.002+07:00

When we fast, not only do we abstain from eating and drinking reminding us of those less fortunate, we also practice self-control in our speech, thoughts and actions, filling ourselves with prayers, patience, charity and positive energies. It's a month meditation to rejuvenate the mind and body, beginning the year with a reawakened spirit.

Our first day of fasting in Bali was quite nice. The day actually passed by quickly probably because we were having fun making "biji salak" one of my favorite Ramadan treats. The color turned out a bit green, because we used a japanese sweet potato, but it was still yummy :) there's a great recipe to follow from the blog last-bite.

Today I also finally got the chance to watch the movie "Precious". A heart-wrenching, tear-jerking movie so prepare a box of tissues if you haven't seen it already. There's this quote from the character that really took a hold of me:

"Some folks has a lot of things around them that shines for other peoples. I think that maybe some of them was in tunnels. And in that tunnel, the only light they had, was inside of them. And then long after they escape that tunnel, they still be shining for everybody else."

I think everyone has a light inside that illuminates from their beings, some stronger in a way that you can feel their light just being near them without speaking a word...

Renewal

2010-08-10T20:23:00.004+07:00

It's been exactly one month since I've moved to Bali. How has it been? At times I still have those occasional episodes of negativity and brooding, but I must admit it has been so much easier to become quickly aware and breathe in to the present moment. I've become more kinder to myself. Basically I feel at ease and renewed :) Not sure if it's the move or if I'm just at that stage. The atmosphere definitely plays a big role.

Tomorrow fasting begins for the month of Ramadan, and for our last lunch today I decided to prepare a meal of falafels, hummus and some fresh salad. I tried a recipe that I found at about.com turned out pretty tasty! Even my sister ended up eating the falafels with 2 servings of salad, and she's the type of person who doesn't eat greens. Why the sudden change of heart? Maybe because I grated a lot of cheese on top!! :D

falafel

hummus

My first self-cooked meal in Bali :)

A Ramadan poem from Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi

O moon-faced Beloved,
the month of Ramadan has arrived
Cover the table
and open the path of praise.

O fickle busybody.
it’s time to change your ways.
Can you see the one who’s selling the halvah
how long will it be the halvah you desire?

Just a glimpse of the halvah-maker
has made you so sweet even honey says,
“I’ll out myself beneath your feet, like soil;
I’ll worship at your shrine.”

your chick frets within the egg
with all your eating and choking
Break out of your shell that your wings may grow.
Let yourself fly.

The lips of the Master are parched
from calling the Beloved.
The sound of your call resounds
through the horn of your empty belly.

Let nothing be inside of you.
Be empty: give your lips to the lips of teh reed.
When like a reed you fill with His breath,
then you’ll taste sweetness.

Sweetness is hidden in the Breath
thats fills the reed.
Be like Mary – By that sweet breath
a child grew within her.

A Year of Rumi

2010-08-02T13:37:00.000+07:00

Feeling a bit under the weather today but I just enrolled in DailyOM's course 'A Year of Rumi' and I wanted to share a beautiful poem that immediately lifted my spirit up:

If you are seeking, seek us with joy
For we live in the kingdom of joy.
Do not give your heart to anything else
But to the love of those who are clear joy,
Do not stray into the neighborhood of despair.
For there are hopes: they are real, they exist –
Do not go in the direction of darkness –
I tell you: suns exist.

- Jalal-ud-Din Rumi
(Translated by Andrew Harvey from A Year of Rumi)

"Suns exist" :)

Tear It Down

2010-07-16T23:03:00.001+07:00

We find out the heart only by dismantling what the heart knows.
By redefining the morning, we find a morning that comes just after darkness.
We can break through marriage into marriage.
By insisting on love we spoil it, get beyond affection and wade mouth-deep into love.
We must unlearn the constellations to see the stars.
But going back toward childhood will not help.
The village is not better than Pittsburgh.
Only Pittsburgh is more than Pittsburgh.
Rome is better than Rome in the same way the sound of raccoon tongues licking the inside walls of the garbage tub is more than the stir of them in the muck of the garbage.
Love is not enough.
We die and are put into the earth forever.
We should insist while there is still time.
We must eat through the wildness of her sweet body already in our bed to reach the body within that body.

–Jack Gilbert

Loving this poem I found via superforest

Friendship

2010-07-11T11:41:00.002+07:00

Thank u for always being there for me
Watching cheesy chick flicks with yummy eyecandy

Never giving up when I was negative and really down
You always had the right words to remove my frown

Always believing in new possibilities
Never bowing down to conformities

I admire your passion in the things you do
I love all the things that is you

~Alia Adistya

Loving her

2010-07-06T19:09:00.001+07:00

Loving Florence + The Machine

Makes me want to make a masquerade ball in a forest with these :D I can imagine it already

Martha Stewart Bird Mask tutorial www.marthastewart.com

Insomnia

2010-07-06T04:28:00.000+07:00

Reminder: extra strength panadol taken at night = ridiculous insomnia

Take the step

2010-06-27T02:09:00.002+07:00

Notice the empty glass
Longing to be poured a calm comfort
Weaves of threads awaits
folded and still

Familiar footprints
gentle touches of open palms
Tears and wishes, whispers and fears

Embrace and cradle me once again
Coating heaven to these heavy breaths
Till the fire inside smiles
And a steady peace follows

~Alia Adistya

Cleansing

2010-06-15T23:38:00.005+07:00

I had another vivid physical dream last night. I am sitting there and looking down at the calf of my right leg. There are several 5 cm bumps all over growing bigger and bigger until it breaks open, turning into 8 open wounds looking like deep hallowed pockets of skin. Inside these skin pockets I am able to see my flesh and each of them has a large tumor resting inside... the tumor though is shaped like a smooth beige pebble, and one by one I shove my fingers into these wounds and take the pebble out, and with each wound I compress it and heal it till the skin is flat again. The process is painful and I feel the piercing irritation each time I place my hand on the wound to press the skin back in its place. But in the end, I am able to take all the pebbles out and heal my leg.

From dreammoods.com
Legs To see your legs in your dream, indicate that you have regained confidence to stand up and take control again. It also implies progress and your ability to navigate through life. If your legs are weak, then you may be feeling emotionally vulnerable. To dream that your legs are wounded or crippled, signifies a lack of balance, autonomy, or independence in your life. You may be unable or unwilling to stand up for yourself. Perhaps you are lacking courage and refuse to make a stand.
Tumor To dream that you or someone has a tumor, suggests that some repressed memory or feeling remains unsettled and is threatening to emerge into your consciousness. You need to confront these issues. Consider where in the body is this tumor is located for additional symbolism.
Pebbles To see pebble in your dream, represents minor difficulties and annoyances in your life.

My own thoughts from these interpretations is that this is the point in my life where I am cleansing out all past memories and vulnerabilities from my system, healing in the process. I am taking back control and gaining my confidence once again, open for what life has to offer :)

Heaven

2010-06-15T15:13:00.005+07:00

photo source: vi.sualize.us

I watched a television show awhile ago about near death experiences, and one of the incident was of a man who was struck by a snow avalanche and was able to survive after 48 hours of being stranded. In the hospital, his wife held him when he finally gained consciousness... and his first words were "You smell like heaven"

Shopping Spree

2010-06-11T17:51:00.004+07:00

Looking at my non-existent savings account, my credit card bills, and the shopping spree I've journeyed into these past 2 weeks, I ask myself how did I get here again? I'm back to where I started over a decade ago in New York with my wide-eyed, heart racing excitement caused by my first plastic card looking at "objects" in a different sort of way... finding the amazing variety of cute shops promising you individual style for the millions of people, the red banners with the letters S-A-L-E and once in a lifetime sample sales held a few times each year.

Moving to Jakarta, I presumed the temptations would be less challenging but I admit I was wrong. When it comes to online shopping, bazaars, clothing, shoes, souvenirs, gadgets, well actually any kind of shopping, I buy more than i need, and spend more than my budget. The sad thing is I only use half of the things I buy, and the rest takes its long nap underneath the chaos of my unorganized closet. How easy it is to get carried away... rooting from just a little hiccup in your seemingly harmless day to 12 credit card payments later (0% installment was so appealing) T_T

So I'm saying enough... for the 100th millionth time :P and with my upcoming move I've decided to make a vow not to purchase any item of clothing (ok and shoes... gadgets also... unless if I need it...cuz I really do need a printer :P) until i have paid off my credit card bills... and have an actual savings account (other than my investments)

Looking at some links some friends gave, like newdressaday and theuniformproject inspires me to wear what I have in new ways, and if its not wearable make it into something new! Lets see how it works out :) SEMANGAT! bismillah....

“Buy, buy, says the sign in the shop window; Why, why, says the junk in the yard”
~ Paul McCartney

I Hurt Too

2010-05-31T11:20:00.002+07:00

2 wonderful friends of mine just had a recent loss and I dedicate this song to them...
He was a great friend of my father, I remember his constant uplifting mood, his cheerful expressions, may he rest in peace and that my friends find solace through each other and the memories they shared. *hugs*

I Hurt Too
by Katie Herzig

When you’re weary
And haunted
And your life is not what you wanted
When you’re trying so hard to find it

When the lies speak the loudest
When your friends are starting to leave
When you’re broken by people like me

I hurt too, I hurt too

When an ocean sits right between us
There is no sign that we’ll ever cross
You should know now that I feel the loss

I hurt too, I hurt too

Even though you are drowning in valley’s of echoes
I believe there is peace in those hills up ahead
You will climb ‘til you find places you’ll never let go
And I will also be here praying just like I said

Intensity

2010-05-24T22:52:00.003+07:00

Loving this pic from leloveimage.blogspot.com can you feel the intensity of these two beings? Le Love is a blog that posts reader's submission dedicated to anything about love... i simply love it :)

Scorpio is about metamorphosis

2010-05-21T17:09:00.003+07:00

Dove of Peace by Pablo Picasso a scorpion as well :)

source: www.tarot.com

Scorpio is the only sign that has three animal totems. First, there is the well-known Scorpion with its active tail. Second, as the Scorpio learns to master its passion and hold its instincts at bay, it changes into the Eagle. The Eagle has more perspective, for it flies high above the surface of circumstances, swooping down with its power only to kill prey for food. In its third form, the Scorpion becomes the always-peaceful dove. The real meaning of Scorpio is thus shown. Scorpio is about metamorphosis. Scorpios transform the painful poisons of possessive passion into a higher consciousness based on universal love.

Your motto might be "What is hidden is more interesting than what is obvious." You are the detectives of the zodiac. But you can also be secretive yourself, for you learn early on that when you express everything, others may be scared by the power of your feelings. You have the magic to light up the dark, but sometimes you would benefit by looking at the positive side of things rather than going into the darkness at all.

The water element of Scorpio is fixed and frozen, but it is a mistake to think that ice doesn't flow. It does flow -- and with great power. Think of a glacier, moving so very slowly, yet with enough power to flatten a forest or even a mountain.

As the key planet for Scorpio, Pluto is intense and powerful, representing those things that we don't or can't understand. And it is from these hidden Plutonic spaces that magical transformations arise.

The Only Exception

2010-05-04T17:38:00.001+07:00

Maybe I know, somewhere deep in my soul
that love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways to make it alone
or keep a straight face
And I've always lived like this,
keeping a comfortable distance
And up until now I had sworn to myself
that I'm content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk
But darling, You are the only exception
And I'm on my way to believing

~ Paramore

Who do I help?

2010-04-25T00:08:00.000+07:00

There are so many people and situations around the world which cries for help that it overwhelms you to the fact that you just feel inadequate and paralyzed. So how do you choose whom to help when its impossible of helping everyone at the same time? I think about this and maybe the answer is to start with the people or situations closest to you and work from there. Clean your closet, organize your room, then your home and community, make better relationships with your family, friends, and neighbors, the people that are right there in front of you.. and with that strong foundation it can expand in more meaningful depth... being love itself and having compassion to everyone and first and foremost.. to yourself

March diving trip to Raja Ampat, West Papua

2010-03-17T15:43:00.001+07:00

my first ink 03/14

2010-03-17T15:11:00.004+07:00

inspired by Marian Bantjes

to my bestie

2010-02-24T18:00:00.003+07:00

Friendship bracelet for my bestie i.i.s

"My best friends are the people with whom I feel safe to talk about mad, sad and hurt feelings. Most other relationships stay at the feeling levels where everything is 'fine,' although we all know that's not true. But my best friends never shy away from those times when we feel the neediest—when our feelings have been hurt, when we are so angry we could spit fire, when we are grieving and depressed, when we feel unacceptable. Over and over, those are the times that have made us feel more bonded."

— The Rev. Ed Bacon

...they come through you but not from you...

2010-02-22T14:23:00.000+07:00

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Kahlil Gibran

Thing A Day

2010-02-02T13:19:00.003+07:00

This year i have joined "Thing-a-day". Thing-a-day is a yearly creative sprint where participants commit to creating one new thing a day and post it on a collective blog. You can post anything in any media but remember this is an exercice in creativity, it's about the process of making stuff, not making finished impossible stuff. Your main challenge is to stick to it for all 28 days of February! Pick a theme for the month or for the week, spend around 20 minutes a day on your piece and send it out! thing-a-day.com

I decided to choose the theme flowers :) and I've made another blog suddenbreeze.posterous.com to post all my creations.

Since we love the idea so much, a couple of friends and I made our own little collective blog called arisan.posterous.com where we divide the days of the week and share our creations with each other :) I am hoping we continue it throughout the years!

Happy Crafting! :)

Shifting angles

2010-01-20T11:12:00.009+07:00

What does it look like to you?
A picture I took of a cloud formation at Ha Long Bay, Vietnam.
(Ha Long literally translates as Descending Dragon)

I've been trying to sleep by 10 these past few nights with little luck. Last night I just closed my eyes and waited...and then after an hour I opened my eyes again facing straight at my sister's pillow just centimeters away. The pillow's print was a childlike painting of a bird, but in the angle I was facing it, I realized it look like a tadpole with a party hat :D this suddenly made me think about situations and the way we feel and look at them. We can look at things and see it in so many ways if we are willing to shift the angle. And the angles are limitless :)

this foreign place

2010-01-20T05:09:00.004+07:00

Enjoying this exotic adventure
Life feels odd, nothing fits and everything's foreign
Where gratitude comes from every direction
And paths keeps opening to reveal new hopes

many more wonderful experiences and emotions to absorb

until I am completely filled up when I return to You

and that I have used this vessel in Your purpose

I long for Your embrace and the peace that surrounds
So at this time I pray that You will always be present

with glimpses of Your whispers wherever I am

~ Alia Adistya

Watching God

2010-01-18T14:17:00.012+07:00

Most of my time living in Jakarta, I am consumed with the thoughts in my head, with work that needs to be done, the plans I want to make, figuring out what I need to have and want to become. The only time I can let go, breathe freely, enjoy my surroundings, and be presently aware is during my travels. But I've come to realize I don't need to travel miles to find peace and beauty, it all depends on how I am feeling inside (although finding peace and beauty is definitely much easier when I am surrounded by nature). Eventhough I still have a long way to go in finding calmness during daily irritations, and life's hiccups (and seeing it as something positive)... wherever I am, I am slowly learning the concept of becoming still, clearing my thoughts, just breathing and being... and then suddenly everything becomes beautiful and God is in everything I see and everywhere I am.

Dialogue from the movie "Their Eyes Were Watching God"

Tea Cake: Whatcha doin', Janie?

Janie Starks: I'm watchin' God.

float

2010-01-18T11:58:00.003+07:00

Freja Beha Erichsen © http://caroline.feber.se

Year-end travel: Komodo National Park

2010-01-06T22:07:00.004+07:00

To wrap-up 2009, I decided to go on a solo journey to Komodo National Park. It was an unbelievable journey!

This was the last sunset I saw at Labuan Bajo, Flores from a little local restaurant called "The Corner"

This is the view from my bungalow at the Golo Hilltop Hotel, which is owned by 2 dutch women who visited here and fell in love with the place and decided to live here, I can see why :)

At komodo national park there was an overwhelmingly large schools of fish, just mesmerizing!

The Komodos at Rinca Island were huge, they gave us long large wooden sticks just in case, but I didn't dare to even try to get too close.

I only got to dive 4 times at Komodo (Manta point, Batu Bolong, Crystal rock, full moon) but they were incredible, we saw 5 meter wide manta rays, eagle rays, white tip sharks, napoleon fish, bluefin tuna, giant trevally, scorpion fishes, and so much more! I hope I get the chance to come back and explore all the other sites!

21-Day Consciousness Cleanse

2010-01-06T10:43:00.003+07:00

For as long as I can remember, I have always been fascinated in learning various methods of spiritual transformations...methods that can open me up in new ways of belief and understanding about life, God, the universe, and above all about myself. For the past month I've been following Debbie Ford, an author and spiritual coach, reading her book "Why Good People Do Bad Things" and watching the movie "The Shadow Effect" (Journey from your darkest thought to your greatest dream). Now she has another book "The 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse" which program she is offering for free at oprah.com

"The 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse is a practical program that promises to alter the quality and direction of your life and support you in not only obtaining your goals for the new year, but, more importantly, creating a new loving and nurturing relationship with yourself and with the power that sources you. This program will enable you to take back your power from the outer world, turn inward and reconnect with your inner guide and your highest self."

The program has started since January 4th so get started now if you're interested!

Day 1: The Gift of Desire

Evoke two desires for 2010 that will lead you to joy, fulfillment and the next greatest evolution of yourself. These desires will act as your guide and your focus point through this life-altering process.

For me I am choosing:

1. Healthier Body (exercise, drink more water, eat consciously)

2. Have more self-confidence (courage to speak out, try new things, know my likes and dislikes)

Cleansing Ritual

What area of your life that needs your attention right now?

Mind and Body

What will that part of your life look like?

Peaceful, Overwhelming Gratitude, Faith, Love in everyone and everything

How will achieving your goal change your life and those around you?

Become a positive energy for myself and others

When you reach your goal, when you fulfill that desire, what will it make room for?

Positivity, love, endless journeys

What is the one feeling you desire to feel most this year?

Love all around me

How will you act differently if you were feeling that feeling all the time?

Kinder

How would people around you benefit? What would be different in your world?

Positive energy

Soulful Action

Your Outer Goal: What is one action you can take today that will move you one step closer to your soul's vision? Make a commitment to take that action.

Drink at least 8 glasses of water

Your Inner Goal: What is one action you can take or one thought you can think that will support you in having more of the feeling you most desire?Take that action or think that thought today.

Give loving attention to my sister

Soul Food: I am worthy of living my heart's desires.

What is success?

2010-01-02T12:00:00.000+07:00

What is success? To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived; that is to have succeeded.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

10 New Year's Resolution for 2010

2010-01-02T06:08:00.001+07:00

1. Drink more water
8 glasses a day at least!

2. Eat consciously
Be aware of my body and the energy I put in it.

3. Exercise
I'm thinking to start with morning jogs or walks :)

4. Build up Tea for Two
Complete the website and product photography!

5. Make at least 1 person smile a day
Starting w/ my family :D

6. Travel more
See as many places even if its just short budget weekend trips. Have more family trips.

7. Budget conscious
Save money for deposit, Monthly savings

8. Blog at least once a week
Practice writing and telling stories to be more communicative to others

9. Spiritual cleanse
Meditate, Pray & be grateful everyday

10. Practice "Why Not?"
One of my best friend says everytime she is presented with an opportunity, she says "why not"...so in other words, have more yes's in life!

Last and most important...Live everyday consciously, being aware of every moment and details!

for a moment

2009-12-20T02:24:00.002+07:00

Driving this late hour
Only a few cars moving
at the same direction
The high speed feels liberating
How easy it is to just let go
Then the whispers come
And the connection comes again

~Alia Adistya

Doing what you love

2009-12-18T19:28:00.005+07:00

A great article in The New York Times about Etsy!

www.nytimes.com

"Inside all of us is HOPE...FEAR...ADVENTURE... Inside all of us is a WILD THING"

2009-12-16T10:56:00.007+07:00

Many generations grew up with the books by Maurice Sendak and his extraordinarily imaginative illustrations and stories. Spike Jonze has directed a live-action film version of Maurice Sendak's most famous book, "Where the Wild Things Are" that was written in 1963. I remember my childhood in Virginia, reading his books and being lost in his magical world. The movie was released in the US in October but I'm not sure when it's hitting the theaters in Asia. I really want to see this!

Featurette with Maurice Sendak

Great soundtrack as well!

motion picture soundtrack: dgcrecords.com/promos/wherethewildthingsare

official website: wherethewildthingsare.warnerbros.com

Cast: Max Records, Forest Whitaker, Catherine Keener, Paul Dano, James Gandolfini, Mark Ruffalo

Director: Spike Jonze

Writer: Spike Jonze, Dave Eggers

My First Tandem Paragliding Landing

2009-12-15T16:29:00.001+07:00

Puncak, West Java

A bit rough, but exhilarating :D

Conscious Eating

2009-12-10T23:25:00.007+07:00

Throughout my life I've never really watched what I eat nor committed to a specific exercise routine. I would always get hyped up to the idea of a new activity or diet and slowly lose interest as my mind gets distracted to day-to-day events like looking at Robert Pattinson's wallpaper on my monitor :P But I believe now is the right time for me to break away from old habits, focusing in what nourishes my body and where it comes from. Our body is our vehicle to do good on this earth. From years and years of knowing this, only now do I really want to take the step in being more conscious about my body. Better late than never :)

There is this scene in the movie 'City of Angels' when Seth asks Maggie to describe what a pear taste like:

Seth: What's that like? What's it taste like? Describe it like Hemingway.
Maggie Rice: Well, it tastes like a pear. You don't know what a pear tastes like?
Seth: I don't know what a pear tastes like to you.
Maggie Rice: Sweet, juicy, soft on your tongue, grainy like a sugary sand that dissolves in your mouth. How's that?
Seth: It's perfect.

When I remembered this scene, I immediately thought about conscious eating. Savouring the food, knowing it's texture, it's taste, it's whole existence. It's funny how I can't remember names, current events and anything else but I tend to remember specific scenes in movies... need more oxygen in my brain cells!!! LOL

Anyway, everyone has their own path towards enlightenment and I believe there is goodness in every religion and teachings. Primarily for me, I study it through the teachings of Islam and combine it with other beliefs and concepts that are positive and beneficial to my well-being... (there is still so much to learn on my road of spirituality and consciousness). In islam there is the term "Halal", which refers to food that is clean, pure and safe. It doesn't only apply to the content and preparation of the food, but it also refers to the method the food was acquired. It really puts us in a position to ask ourselves, what are we putting inside us? Where did this food come from? What kind of energy is being passed on by this food? Was this food stolen, or bought by corruption? If we eat meat, how was the animal killed? If food is a fuel of energy for our body, shouldn't we be more careful in what kind of energy we absorb?

Thich Nhat Hanh, the buddhist monk that I am currently obsessed about shares his words about mindful eating:

"Mindful eating is very pleasant. We sit beautifully. We are aware of the people that are sitting around us. We are aware of the food on our plates. This is a deep practice. Each morsel of food is an ambassador from the cosmos...

When we are mindful, we recognize what we are picking up. When we put it into our mouth, we know what we are putting into our mouth. When we chew it, we know what we are chewing. It's very simple.

After breathing, we smile. Sitting at the table with other people, we have a chance to offer an authentic smile of friendship and understanding. It is very easy, but not many people do it. To me, this is the most important practice. We look at each person and smile at him or her. Breathing and smiling together are very important practices. If the people in a family cannot smile at each other, the situation is a very dangerous one.

After breathing and smiling, we look down at the food in a way that allows the food to become real. This food reveals our connection with the earth. Each bite contains the life of the sun and the earth. The extent to which our food reveals itself depends on us. We can see and taste the whole universe in a piece of bread! Contemplating our food for a few seconds before eating, and eating in mindfulness, can bring us much happiness.

Having the opportunity to sit with our family and friends and enjoy wonderful food is something precious, something not everyone has. Many people in the world are hungry. When I hold a bowl of rice or a piece of bread, I know that I am fortunate, and I feel compassion for all those who have no food to eat and are without friends or family. This is a very deep practice. We do not need to go to a temple or a church in order to practise this. We can practise it right at our dinner table. Mindful eating can cultivate seeds of compassion and understanding that will strengthen us to do something to help hungry and lonely people be nourished."

For dinner today I attempted to savour my very first conscious meal. My parents, my sister and I ate at a local asian restaurant. I ordered the rice penang prawn with tofu and mushrooms and for the first time again after a very long time I started my dinner with a prayer and the feeling of gratitude (I am blessed to be able to eat this nutritious food, have the power of choice in what I eat, and to be able to eat with my family together). I really looked at the food completely while waiting for it to cool down, parts of this food that I eat will turn into energy, into the nourishment for my movements and thoughts, into a few more beautiful moments in life. I also tried to be conscious of every taste and texture, feeling every bit of the burning sensation in my mouth because it was way too spicy... Eating consciously made me become more grateful about where I am today. I am grateful for my loving family, the roof over my head, my wonderful friends, a great job & employer, and the infinite choices of food I can put on my plate. Looking forward to the next meal :)

Other interesting references:

Tips for Conscious Eating kripalu.org

Articles by Thich Nhat Hanh

Mindful Eating chetday.com

Eating for Peace healthyat100.org

Eating Together plumvillage.org

Tea Meditation plumvillage.org

Here's an interesting article about being a vegetarian muslim: crescentlife.com

In the article there's a quote from the Prophet, peace be upon him:
"You should use cows' milk, because it is good for health, and cows' ghee is good for health, but beef is bad for health." Actually, the literal meaning of the words the Prophet used is much stronger than that. He said that milk is "healing," ghee is "medicine," and beef is "disease."

More about Islam and food: www.islamicmedicine.org

Here are some versus in the Qur'an that relates to the food we eat.
[2:168] O people, eat from the earth's products all that is lawful and good
[2:172] O you who believe, eat from the good things we provided for you, and be thankful to GOD
[5:96] All fish of the sea are made lawful for you to eat.
[5:4] Forbidden to you is the flesh of an animal which dies of itself, and blood and the flesh of swine; and that on which is invoked the name of one other than GOD; and that which has been strangled; and that beaten to death; and that killed by a fall; and that which has been gored to death; and that of which a wild animal has eaten, except that which you have properly slaughtered; and that which has been slaughtered at an altar. If one is forced by hunger, without being malicious or deliberate, he incurs no sin. GOD is Forgiver, Most Merciful.

In Judaism the term "Kosher" is used. The guidelines to the food we eat it is more detailed so you can read about it at wikipedia. Here's an introduction: Reasons for food being non-kosher include the presence of ingredients derived from non-kosher animals or from kosher animals that were not properly slaughtered, a mixture of meat and milk, wine or grape juice (or their derivatives) produced without supervision, the use of produce from Israel that has not been tithed, or even the use of cooking utensils and machinery which had previously been used for non-kosher food.

Food in the bible: more info
[Leviticus 11:2,3,9,21,46,47] - Under the law God forbade eating unclean animals, yet He expressly authorized the eating of many clean animals: mammals, fish, birds, and insects. [Deut. 14:4,6,9,11,20]
[Genesis 1:29-30] And God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food.And to every beast of the earth and to every bird of the heavens and to everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food.” And it was so.

Soundtrack for a Revolution

2009-12-09T00:14:00.005+07:00

Just got back from watching the documentary film "Soundtrack for a Revolution" at Jakarta International Film Festival (JiFFest)...what can I say... powerful and inspirational. Makes me want to join a cause and commit to a greater purpose. Love those films that has that kind of an effect :) (Also wished I had a good voice so I could sing along LOL)

SOUNDTRACK FOR A REVOLUTION tells the story of the American civil rights movement through its powerful music -the freedom songs protesters sang on picket lines, in mass meetings, in paddy wagons, and in jail cells as they fought for justice and equality.

The film features new performances of the freedom songs by top artists, including John Legend, Joss Stone, Wyclef Jean, and The Roots; riveting archival footage; and interviews with civil rights foot soldiers and leaders, including Congressman John Lewis, Harry Belafonte, Julian Bond, and Ambassador Andrew Young.

Alice in WaterLand

2009-12-08T19:27:00.003+07:00

Love this photograph by Elena Kalis, view the complete set at elenakalisphoto.com she has a lot more underwater projects. Can't wait to try out my underwater camera!

Before Sunset

2009-12-08T16:58:00.005+07:00

the warm golden afternoon sun peeks from the small gap of the front door straight to my eyes creating sparkling circles of rays, blinding me. Time to take it slow, say a prayer and be in stillness... bringing to mind all the things to be grateful for.

Entenmaaaaaann's

2009-12-07T23:00:00.007+07:00

Phew what a day! A load of work but happy to get a lot done today. Well I chatted with my best friend yesterday and she's coming from New York to visit here next week! So excited to be able to see her again, and she'll be bringing me my favorite snack which they don't sell here... entenmann's soft baked chocolate chip cookies... yummmm... will be drooling until she comes next week :) I've been friends with this unique individual since 1990, back in the day when her hair was curly, frizzy, and unruly and we wore plaid and polka-dots. Throughout the years she's evolved into this beautiful stylish woman who has a passion for what she does in life and in the office. I lived with her family for a few months when I was applying for colleges in New York, and then a few years later she eventually became my roommate. We've been through a lot together, experiencing love, loss, insanity, happiness, life altering changes and fun adventures. Even when we haven't been in contact for awhile, when we get together again it always feels like home :) the one thing that hasn't changed all these years is her humor. Love her so much and I really wish for her all the joy and happiness that life can bring. Well I'm going straight to bed now to wind down, haven't even practiced for tomorrow's piano lesson! Hopefully I can wake earlier to get some practice in.

Staying home

2009-12-06T23:59:00.009+07:00

I've been hearing people lately telling me to go out, meet people, hang out, and I do! Buy the truth is... I actually really enjoy staying home and being a hermit especially in Jakarta. At home I create. And when I am creating, I feel peaceful even in those darker days. It's like therapy (I really wish one day to have my own crafting studio, crossing my fingers)

I stayed home all day today and actually most of yesterday doing work, watching dvd's, chatting with an old friend and crafting. Watched the movie about Coco Chanel and also Julia Child (Julie & Julia) makes me want to create and cook! Their enthusiasm, creativity and obsession for their craft is so inspiring. Well this past few months I started a new venture with my best friend making hair accessories. So far we've been taking orders for wedding parties, and hopefully next month our website will be up and running... hopefully :)

Love this line from Julie & Julia when Julie Powell explains her reasons to her mother for doing the cooking blog “It’s like being in AA. It gives you something you have to do every day, one day at a time.”

One day at a time, sounds pretty good to me. Looking forward to tomorrow :)

Polyamorous Crushes

2009-12-04T14:27:00.009+07:00

I often visit the site SoulPancake which I first found out from Oprah's interview with Rainn Wilson, yes the lovable yet annoying guy from "The Office" who founded the website. The purpose of the website is to discuss Spirituality, Creativity, and Philosophy in a hip and cool way with interviews, blogs, contests, etc. One of the recent question asks who our 5 Polyamorous Crushes are. "A polyamorous crush goes beyond sexuality; it's about being enthralled with either a couple, a team, a cast, even a mob of people working towards a common goal. You're not quite sure, but something about them turns you on."

Here are my 5 Polyamorous Crushes:

1. Sigur Rós (their music had always moved me, and after watching the film Heima, their passion for their art inspired me even more)

2. Oprah and her crew (I could imagine a lot of great energy resides in the work place)

3. Jason Mraz, his crew and joyologist Tricia Huffman (a joyologist is a profession where you bring joy through the art of laughter, gratitude, positivity, etc. here's a small article about her, wishing to become a joyologist in the future, but first and foremost working on becoming one for myself :)

4. The cast of Vampire Diaries and Twilight...sorry...I had to put this in... XD

5. My group of gal-pals, there are these few girls that I have lunch with, and everytime we're together I feel inspired in life, love and creativity just by being with them, especially when we are traveling.

Who are your 5 Polyamorous Crushes?

Lupen Grainne

2009-12-04T13:20:00.006+07:00

Loving these photographs by Lupen Grainne

Past Memory

2009-12-03T12:05:00.006+07:00

I am quite a forgetful person, someone said it's because I am lacking in oxygen :) (Note to self: start exercising!) I tend to forget a lot of things but why do I keep remembering the thing that I want to forget about the most. At times I feel as if I've gone past it and moved on, forgiving and coming to terms, but sometimes memories have a way of creeping back to you. Time for some positive affirmations I found!

The past has no power over me, I allow the light to fill me with hope and positivity.

I am grateful, for I am a perfect Spirit of the Universe and I share in its abundance in everyway, today and everyday.

I am thankful for all that I have, for all that I don't have, and for all that I have been given here and now. Everything in my life, every thought, feeling, face, moment, and situation is a divine gift and I am wholeheartedly thankful.

I am thankful for the creative thoughts that rise and allow me to perceive all that is here now.

This day, I am content

Thích Nhất Hạnh

2009-12-02T22:23:00.003+07:00

Thích Nhất Hạnh (Tick-Naught-Han) called by his students Thay (meaning teacher) is a Vietnamese Buddhist monk, zen master, peace and human rights activist to name a few. He was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize by Martin Luther King, Jr. in 1967 for his efforts to generate peace and reconciliation. One day I hope to be able to visit Plum Village, his meditation practice center in southern France, where he teaches and writes when he's not travelling around the world. But for now, I'll just share some of his quotes that I enjoy:

"You are what you want to become. Why search anymore? You are a wonderful manifestation. The whole universe has come together to make your existence possible. There is nothing that is not you. The kingdom of God, the Pure Land, nirvana, happiness, and liberation are all you."

"Does the rose have to do something? No, the purpose of a rose is to be a rose. Your purpose is to be yourself. You don't have to run anywhere to become someone else. You are wonderful just the way you are. This teaching of the Buddha allows us to enjoy ourselves, the blue sky, and everything that is refreshing and healing in the present moment. We already have everything we are looking for, everything we want to become. We are already a Buddha so why not just take the hand of another Buddha and practice walking meditation?

Just be. Just being in the moment in this place is the deepest practice of meditation.

The Heart Sutra says that there is "nothing to attain." We meditate not to attain enlightenment, because enlightenment is already in us. We don't need to search anywhere. We don't need to practice to obtain some high position. We can enjoy every moment. People talk about entering nirvana, but we are already there. Aimlessness and nirvana are one. We have everything we need to make the present moment the happiest in our life, even if we have a cold or a headache. We don't have to wait until we get over our cold to be happy. Having a cold is part of life.

I am happy in the present moment. I do not ask for anything else. I do not expect any additional happiness. Aimlessness is stopping and realizing the happiness that is already available."

There's so much more of his teachings I would like to share, especially about mindful eating which I will post at another time.

Hugging Meditation

2009-12-01T21:54:00.009+07:00

I came across a blog by Patti Digh: 37days.typepad.com "What would you be doing today if you only had 37 days to live?". She had a post about Thich Naht Hanh hugging meditation:

"Hugging meditation is a combination of East and West. According to the practice, you have to really hug the person you are hugging. You have to make him or her very real in your arms, not just for the sake of appearances, patting him on the back to pretend you are there, but breathing consciously and hugging with all your body, spirit, and heart. Hugging meditation is a practice of mindfulness. "Breathing in, I know my dear one is in my arms, alive. Breathing out, she is so precious to me." If you breathe deeply like that, holding the person you love, the energy of care, love, and mindfulness will penetrate into that person and she will be nourished and bloom like a flower. When we hug, our hearts connect and we know that we are not separate beings. Hugging with mindfulness and concentration can bring reconciliation, healing, understanding, and much happiness. The practice of mindful hugging has helped so many to reconcile with each other- fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, friends and friends, and so many others.

We may practice hugging meditation with a friend, our daughter, our father, our partner or even with a tree. To practice, we first bow and recognize the presence of each other. Then we can enjoy three deep conscious breaths to bring ourselves fully there. We then may open your arms and begin hugging. Holding each other for three in-and-out breaths. With the first breath, we are aware that we are present in this very moment and we are happy. With the second breath, we are aware that the other is present in this moment and we are happy as well. With the third breath, we are aware that we are here together, right now on this earth, and we feel deep gratitude and happiness for our togetherness. We then may release the other person and bow to each other to show our thanks.

When we hug in such a way, the other person becomes real and alive. We do not need to wait until one of us is ready to depart for a trip, we may hug right now and receive the warmth and stability of our friend in the present moment. Hugging can be a deep practice of reconciliation. During the silent hugging, the message can come out very clear: "Darling, you are precious to me. I am sorry I have not been mindful and considerate. I have made mistakes. Allow me to begin anew. I Promise."

A meaningful hug is such a powerful thing. They can communicate all your emotions and energy with one embrace. An expression of love, forgiveness, friendship even feelings that you kept hidden can open up with that one hug. I am reminded the day my grandfather died a long time ago. That entire day I was just absent minded and emotionless, until one of my best friend came to me and hugged me very tightly. Right there and then I burst out crying unable to let go of her, releasing all the sadness, anxiety and love that I had inside. It was a beautiful release and I thank her for it.

If a hug can be a form of meditation, rejuvenating others and ourselves, it would be really nice to give meaningful hugs more often... I'll start with my mother :)

Quotation

2009-12-01T15:26:00.003+07:00

Loving this tattoo from A cup of Jo

The piano

2009-12-01T01:39:00.004+07:00

I started playing the piano in second grade when I was living in virginia, taking lessons with an old woman in her 60s which name I can't seem to remember. But I do remember how she looked, pale wrinkled white skin, small brown eyes that glistened, and short brown curly hair, curly as Annie. She seemed to have this distinctive style, always wearing an a-line skirt just below the knee with a blouse tucked in, dark tinted stockings and a pair of 1 inch heeled prairie like shoes. She was strict with the lessons, but I remember her always being so sweet to me, and I especially loved the times when we would do our duets during the recitals.

I had about three other piano teachers after that as we moved from place to place and by the time I started high school in New York, I wanted to explore other instruments and came to play the alto saxophone. I was pretty good at it, and after a year I enrolled in the school's jazz band. Yes, I was your typical geek, excellent in math and joined the school band. But of course we had to move again and the alto sax-capade ended there.

After this move during high school, I went into my darker period, barely passed math, lossed interest in a future of finance, and stopped playing any kind of musical instruments completely eventhough it had been one of my true source of expression (next to writing and art). I miss it terribly.

Last year after a huge turnaround in my life arriving at my 'saturn return', I decided to start from scratch in the quest for self-discovery. I took sax lessons again. After about 8 classes I realized I couldn't breathe properly, being out of breath only after 10 minutes of playing. So then I decided, maybe I needed to start with living a healthier life by eating right and exercising regularly so I can breathe better...this hasn't happened...yet. I've tucked that intention away to be used someday in one of my "resolutions". For 2009 it stayed as a thouht so maybe in 2010 it will finally be realized? We'll just have to see (*_*)

Now I'm back to square one... what instrument should I learn? I thought maybe the guitar. I always dreamed being at a beach somewhere watching the sunset; me and a guitar surrounded with the likes of Jason mraz, Thom Yorke, Jack Johnson, José González, Dave Matthews, Sting, Justin Vernon and possibly Robert Pattinson there with me :D ...paradise!

Ok snapping myself back to reality... I realized throughout my life it's so often I would start something and after awhile loose interest, never following it through. Maybe this should be a resolution for me to become more focused by pursuing an instrument to it's very core...so I decided to go back to what I started in the beginning...yes the piano! I start lessons tomorrow...wish me luck :)

the path is clear

2009-11-29T00:51:00.001+07:00

As I embrace this darkness...I can finally see the light... the dark becomes a beautiful peaceful place of awakening...and the journey will be miraculous...

rest

2009-11-28T12:31:00.001+07:00

...calling this darkness home for now...

"Letter to My Daughter" Maya Angelou

2009-11-26T14:23:00.003+07:00

I love to read however there's just so much books on my list and so little time. So for some books I decided to listen to the audiobook instead. But when purchasing an audiobook one needs to be selective because you'll have different preferences in who the narrator is (I usually listen to a sample before i make a purchase from audible.com) and for most books, they were just meant to be read. Right now I am listening to Maya Angelou's "Letter to My Daughter", with the narration by Maya Angelou herself :) Here's some quotes from the book that I loved.

"Home is that youthful region where a child is the only real living inhabitant. Parents, siblings, and neighbors, are mysterious apparitions, who come, go, and do strange unfathomable things in and around the child, the region’s only enfranchised citizen."

"I am convinced that most people do not grow up. We find parking spaces and honor our credit cards. We marry and dare to have children and call that growing up. I think what we do is mostly grow old. We carry accumulation of years in our bodies and on our faces, but generally our real selves, the children inside, are still innocent and shy as magnolias.

We may act sophisticated and worldly but I believe we feel safest when we go inside ourselves and find home, a place where we belong and maybe the only place we really do."

Strength of the mind

2009-11-22T22:20:00.009+07:00

...slicing throbbing pain, I bend my arm to see the skin near my elbow and find a long horrific gash, visible red flesh. I grab a bottle of rubbing alcohol with my left hand and pour it without hesitant on the wound, emptying the bottle out completely. I feel every piercing gut wrenching sting that I wake up shaking...

These past few nights, I've had dreams where I am injured and I feel the pain. The pain becomes so excruciating that it wakes me up from sleep, and when I awake the pain continues for a few moments even if the physical injury doesn't really exist.

From the dream dictionary:
To dream that you are in pain, signifies that you are being too hard on yourself, especially if a situation was out of your control.
To dream that you are injured, suggests that you need to work on healing old wounds and hurts. You need to stop and slow down.

If pain is felt in a dream where it's physically non-existent, then I can understand even more the strength of our mind & soul, and how joy, prayer and meditation gives us a better quality of life.

Light Breeze by Rumi

2009-11-22T22:17:00.004+07:00

As regards feeling pain, like a hand cut in battle,

consider the body a robe you wear.

When you meet someone you love, do you kiss their clothes?

Search out who's inside.

Union with God is sweeter than body comforts.

We have hands and feet different from these.

Sometimes in dream we see them.

That is not illusion. It's seeing truly.

You do have a spirit body;

don't dread leaving the physical one.

Sometimes someone feels this truth so strongly

that he or she can live in mountain solitude totally refreshed.

The worried, heroic doings of men and women seem weary

and futile to dervishes enjoying the light breeze of spirit.

~ Rumi

Body and Soul

2009-11-22T22:02:00.004+07:00

I stare at my 2 hands on the steering wheel. Big boney fingers, rough cracked sun-spotted skin, I can't seem to recognize them. How are these foreign hands able to move? They no longer feel connected to me as the sense of detachment rises to it's highest point. How can the soul feel, how does the emotion connect to the body. How does my body shake when I am angry, shocked or feeling small, how do these salty tears keep falling when I am sad or overjoyed, how does the gut crunching laugh begin when I hear something hilarious. How does nausea come when a bad memory sneaks in, how does my heart beat rapidly when inspiration comes to me. And why at this time, do I feel my soul separating from this body. I feel as though the time has come to go beyond this flesh and expand this energy within.

"The Truth has shared so much of Itself
With me
That I can no longer call myself
A man, a woman, an angel,
Or even pure
Soul."

~ Hafiz

Reincarnation

2009-11-06T00:53:00.005+07:00

My friend and I met up with this guy who had psychic abilities. He was able to see paths that are opening for us and also our past life. He mentioned that my friend was a french guy :D I could completely see her as being french but the "guy" part surprised me! Then he mentioned that he was only able to see me as a child. I don't really know if I believe in reincarnations so I did some research.

In the Qur'an there are these verses:

"How can you reject faith in God? Do you not recall that you were once without life, and God gave you life; then God will cause you to die, and will again bring you to life; and finally to God will you return." (2:28)

"They will say, "Our Lord, you have put us to death twice, and You gave us two lives; now we have confessed our sins. Is there any way out?" (40:11)

From these versus it seems that we have two lives.

However in another verse it says:

When death comes to one of them, he says, 'My Lord, send me back again so that perhaps I may act rightly regarding the things I failed to do!' No indeed! It is just words he utters, and behind them is Barzakh (a barrier) until the Day when they will be resurrected. (23:99-100)

Maybe we do have two lives, one in this earth and in this body, and another life before as our own soul/spirit. But in this earth I believe we only have this one chance to do all the good and release all the greatness that longs to emerge from us.

If my soul is really a child though, everything seems to make a lot of sense! :)

God circled on a map for you

2009-11-04T16:17:00.001+07:00

The place where you are right now

God circled on a map for you.

Wherever your eyes and arms and heart can move

against the earth and sky, the Beloved has bowed there.

Our Beloved has bowed there knowing you were coming.

I could tell you a priceless secret about your real worth dear pilgrim.

But any unkindness to yourself, any confusion about others,

will keep one from accepting the grace, the love!

Hafiz

Past Present Future

2009-10-07T15:05:00.008+07:00

I received an early birthday present from a wonderful friend. It's actually 3 things symbolic of the past present and future.

For the past: a beautiful silver locket with blue tile design on the front, inside a picture of my mother and father when they got married :)

For the present: a lollipop to make each moment a little sweeter.

For the future: an astrology book of 2010 :D

In the book, it mentions I have many angels surrounding me in the form of human beings in my quest for self discovery. This friend is definitely one of them.

Because of these angels in my life, there's a rumbling deep inside my soul, anticipation of all the possibilities of how this life will turn out. I am looking forward in following all the clues, discovering what kind of person I am turning into, and becoming a better human being each day.

"Be an angel to someone else whenever you can, as a way of thanking God for the help your angel has given you."

- Eileen Elias Freeman

Soulmate

2009-09-25T06:26:00.003+07:00

I now understand what the term soulmate means for me..

Before I had always thought everyone was born with one destined for them..the perfect match. But what I came to realize is our souls are an ever-changing and evolving being. It changes, it grows and at times it is also trapped. For some it is a consistent growth in an easy pace and for others it is rapid and strong or maybe an entanglement from one energy to another.

During those beautiful moments people meet and connect amazingly, I believe they were actually soulmates of that time in their life, having the same energy or being in a situation where one balances out the other. However the growth of everyone's soul come in different speeds or go in different directions and at times the connection begins to weaken. There are people who realize it and commit to do the work, aligning their souls to the same level again (preferably to a greater level) and there are others who decide to part and follow a separate direction they were already heading towards to.

To my next soulmate :) I wish for us to have the commitment to let our souls grow & learn together in the same energy and direction. But what I do know for sure is that I have amazing friends, family and people around me that I have grown with throughout my life, and I truly believe they are my greatest soulmate.

The Memory

2009-09-24T16:56:00.005+07:00

Do I need to embrace it to finally let go..

doesn't seem to work to just let go and move on...

ghosts are haunting me... over and over...

the more i try to forget...

the more painful it is when the memories comes

the remedy: finding a silver lining that came out of it

because at the moment... the memory stings

Words of Hāfez (Hafiz) the Great Sufi Master

2009-09-24T14:04:00.003+07:00

Your love

Should never be offered to the mouth of a

Stranger,

Only to someone

Who has the valor and daring

To cut pieces of their soul off with a knife

Then weave them into a blanket

To protect you.

...

The earth has disappeared beneath my feet,

Illusion fled from all my ecstasy.

Now like a radiant sky creature

God keeps opening.

God keeps opening

Inside of Me.

...

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth,”You owe me.”

Look what happens with a love like that.

It lights the whole sky.

dreams and nightmares

2009-09-08T21:42:00.005+07:00

What are dreams and nightmares... some believe they are revelations from God or from the spirits of the afterlife... some believe they mean nothing and others believe they are an insight to our psychological being... I believe in the latter and that from it we can learn more about our current state and our need to progress and grow. Last night I had an unimaginable nightmare that I dare not to share... it makes me cringe just thinking about it now.

I've read that the most vivid of nightmares can actually help us by pointing out what we need to focus on: "They make vivid and memorable some important thoughts and feelings that we tend to push aside by day, they articulate the nature of the conflicts we face, and highlight the connection between present challenges and past history" -Bud J.

From my dream I found an interpretation from dreammoods.com: You are feeling violated in some way or being taken advantage of. Something or someone is jeopardizing your self-esteem and emotional well-being. You feel that someone or something is being forced upon you.

At the moment I am not so clear in where I stand in this.... something to think about.

Returning to my daily activities

2009-08-24T19:16:00.003+07:00

I finally returned home late last night... with a dark silence in the house. My sister opened the kitchen door for me and helped me out with one of my bags. I gave her a nice hug afterwards. It has been about 10 days that I have had no contact with my family or my usual activities... and it feels so good to be back home. I will tell you about my journeys in the next few posts.

the path

2009-08-09T01:19:00.006+07:00

She stands with her body pressed against the wall... as the smell of recently dried paint spins the room into a four sided tornado. "Let me be invisible and melt into this brick red wall for just this moment, without no soul and no emotions. Without this heavy fear inside me" The door suddenly opens. He walks in and slowly turns to her. "You misunderstood" he says. "Embrace those fears and all of its emotions... it will take you to the soul you seek to become."

"March on. Do not tarry. To go forward is to move toward perfection. March on, and fear not the thorns, or the sharp stones on life's path."

- Kahlil Gibran

the lonely guest

2009-08-09T00:32:00.001+07:00

Anxiety lurks within her these past few months...taking in half of the oxygen and throwing her the rest to gasp on. She knows what will set her free from it but chooses to ignore the whispers...uninspired to take the step. The weight of the world does not lie upon her yet she doesn't open herself freely to it. You are the way, You are the light, but she chooses the shadowed corner on this quiet night.

Thank you tears

2009-07-31T03:16:00.005+07:00

Tears has been my closest friend this week

she comes and go unexpectedly

visiting on a whim and quietly tiptoing out

always there waiting at the corner

ready for me to share the secrets of my heart...

~Alia Adistya

"Tears are God's gift to us. Our holy water. They heal us as they flow."
- Rita Schiano

...is my prayer strong enough?

2009-07-30T11:30:00.007+07:00

I am suddenly surrounded by grief and sadness...
empty looks... they share their thoughts of despair
Let me be of service to You
I am at lost for words, at lost for what I need to do to help them
or will a simple prayer be enough... is my prayer strong enough?

"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."
- Kahlil Gibran

a pounding headache

2009-07-28T22:11:00.004+07:00

This pounding headache beats its pain from yesterdays emotional and exhausting day. Two months ago I had a spontaneous tarot card reading. He told me someone in my family will be leaving and it will impact the way I think...maybe this pounding headache is those thoughts trying to surface..because I currently have nothing in my head...only a prayer that my uncle will rest in peace.

“Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one's head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no to-morrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace.”
- Oscar Wilde